My second moment in reflection was when I learned to get comfortable being alone. Not only be comfortable alone but to love me in the alone time, have fun alone, learn to date myself, go on adventures with myself. Christmas was my first experiment and honestly, I think I’m becoming addicted to being alone.
Here’s the thing, the last couple of years I’ve held myself back from so many desires and dreams, all because I didn’t want to do them alone…or maybe I was just too afraid to. For years, I’d see on social media these amazing people exploring the world alone, hiking alone, having a beach day…ALONE and I thought how brave they must be to do those things. And last month I had my lightbulb moment, I said no more. No more on waiting on others to get started, to book that trip, or go on that hike. I have wasted so much of my time sitting around waiting for friends, family, and significant others to do all these bucket list items I’ve had. And since I’ve started checking them off I can’t believe the complete happiness that came along with it. I’ve gotten to explore parts of California I wanted to, I’ve gone hiking alone, I’ve traveled alone and it’s all been the most incredible adventure.

I look back on it now and can’t believe how much I stopped myself from doing, how much of myself I kept locked up because there wasn’t “a partner” to do them with. But I’m learning to forgive myself as well during this process. I’m forgiving myself for holding back, from not keeping myself as the main character in my own story. I’m learning what life looks like when I do put myself first. I’m asking myself if something aligns with my values and if it’s something I want for my life. Along with learning to say no, I’m learning to say yes to what I do want, even if it doesn’t make sense to others. I’m learning to shut out the voices around me of what I “should” be doing with my life and where I should go. It’s my life…why I waited so long to start living it for me I’ll never know. But the point is I finally started.
A friend recently told me our thirties are for us, they’re our time to finally get to know who the heck we are and where we want to end up. My twenties were full of decisions I made based on others’ opinions. My career moves were none I wanted, but all based on “potential” people saw me. Never once did I listen to my gut, listen to the voice inside me to make these decisions. I guess after having ignored her for so long I forgot what the voice even sounded like. I may be a year late (31 years old) but I finally made it to a point where I’m ok where I am, I’m happy with the decisions I’ve made this year (as difficult as each one was). I’m proud of sticking through those decisions because I realized each one got me closer to who I want to be, rather than who everyone expects me to be.
A dear dear friend of mine listened to me through my last big decision and said the most beautiful words “Nathaly, this is who you are and who you’ve always been. You just lost her for a little bit.” I did…I did lose her. I had allowed too many layers to be laid on top of her and it took me a minute to dig her back out, but she’s here. We’re still dusting some things off, still learning about ourselves again. But that’s always been the process of life, hasn’t it?
And as I sit here writing this there are still struggles I’m going through internally. The difference now is I’m not giving anyone else but myself the permission to decide how to deal with those struggles, life decisions, and changes. I’m done looking for approval, in fact, I can’t anymore. I don’t know that I would have survived another year, even a few more months suffocating under all the weight I had accumulated these past years.
It’s been a journey for sure, a journey of getting reacquainted with Nathaly. I have no regrets about the things that got me to where I am today, they each had a purpose in my life and a lesson. They thought me a little bit about myself and how I saw myself.
2021 was an incredible year for me. I can’t count the number of changes I went through, and maybe soon I’ll talk about some of them, but they were each worth it. So take this post as a reminder to push through. Sit with yourself for a moment and see if you like the person you are…if you even recognize yourself when you look in the mirror. If you don’t then take the time to find out who you are. If we’ve learned anything from the last three years it’s that time is fleeting, don’t wait until it’s all gone to think about all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘could have been’. Do it now, love yourself now, take that trip now, do whatever makes your heart happy and do it now, and do it alone…really use it to get to know yourself again. And if you do, come back and tell me all about your own journey. We’re in this together.